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Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by
those who got there first.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands
of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
This is the only place in the country where people pull over and stop
for a funeral, but speed up to cut off an ambulence or a firetruck.
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so what
Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the
universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint
you will have to touch it to be sure?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?