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Worldwide: Equine Seller's Terms
Posted on Friday, September 30 @ 00:45:03 CDT by donna

Horse Humor what they say & what they mean...

  • Big Trot: can't canter within a 2 mile straightaway
  • Nicely Started: we can lounge him, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet
  • Top Show Horse: won a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with unusual low entries due to a hurricane
  • Home Bred: knows nothing except being raised on the front porch
  • Recently Vetted: someone else found something badly wrong with the horse
  • Big Boned: good thing horse has mane & tail or he would be mistaken for a cow
  • Doing Courses: when tranqualized to the eyeballs & lunged 6 hrs straight before hand
  • Well Mannered: hasn't stepped on, bitten, or kicked anyone for a week
  • Professionally Trained: hasn't stepped, bitten, or kicked anyone for a month
  • Should Mature 16 hands: currently 13h, dam is 14.3hh, sire is 15hh, every horse in pedigree back 18 generations is under 15h but this horse will definitely defy his DNA
  • To Good Home Only: not really for sale unless you can 1) pay twice what he is worth, 2) allow current owner to tuck in beddy - bye every night, 3) are willing to sign a 10 page legal document
  • Bold: runaway
  • Athletic: He's a runaway, but he looks good doing it
  • Needs intermediate Rider: runaway
  • Needs Experienced Rider: "dead" runaway
  • Dead Quiet: just dead
  • Started O/F: Started overfeeding because we can't ride
  • No Vices: especially when he wears his muzzle
  • Light Cribber: we can't afford to build any more barns & fences for the buzz saw
  • No Time For Him: he's lucky to be fed
  • Excellent Disposition: never been out of his stall
  • Clips, hauls, and Loads: Clippity, clippity is the sound his hooves make when he hauls a$$ across the parking lot when you try to load him
  • Great Halter Prospect: Bred for beauty, not for brains
  • Selling due to divorce: My spouse certaintly couldn't stand him...
  • Bomb Proof: So dumb you could set off a bomb under his tail and he wouldn't blink.
  • Good Mother: She's too dumb to do anything else.
  • He Can Do It All: bite, kick, buck, rear...
  • Flasy: nice looking... forget about him being rideable
  • Stunning: you'll be stunned at his kicking power
  • Very Brave: even a whip can't force him back
  • Slight Case Of Navicular: better buy him before he's too lame to walk
  • Proven Sire: The mare we bred him to had a baby
  • Lots of Potential: Under the right circumstances, you migh be able to ride him
  • Great Bloodlines: He can't do anything, but that's okay becuase some horse 20 generations back did something
  • Already Broke: two fences, one arm, six buckets
  • Got Cow Sense: he'll attack any cattle within a 5-mile radius
  • Unregistered: probably stolen
  • Protective Mother: don't even think about going near the foal
  • Lady's Horse: Perfectly sweet with women, but will kill men
  • Good Disposition: The only good thing about him
  • Selling Due to Retirement: he's making us old
  • Started Good: we quit while we were ahead
  • Started: we quit while we were still alive
  • Loud Color: we spray painted him bright red
  • Really Broke: literally
  • Slight Nervouse Habit: he shakes and has muscles ticks anytime anyone asks him to think
  • Great Stud: breeding is the only thing he's good at
  • Anyone Can Ride: as long as they have the right protective gear, they will survive
  • Smooth: you won't notice he's bucking until you're on the ground!
  • Event Prospect: Big, Fast Horse
  • Dressage Prospect: Big, Slow Horse
  • Hack Prospect: Pretty Color
  • Sporting Prospect: Short, Fast Horse
  • Camp Prospect: Fast Horse which can turn
  • Endurance Prospect: Fast Horse which will turn sometimes
  • Flashy: White Socks
  • Attractive: Bay
  • 15.2hh: 14.3hh
  • 16.2hh: 15.3hh
  • To Loving Home Only: Expensive
  • To Show Home Only: Very Expensive
  • Needs Experienced Rider: Potentially Lethal
  • Elegant: Thin
  • In Good Condition: Foundered
  • Free Moving: Bolts
  • Quiet: Lame in Both Front Legs
  • Dead Quiet: Lame in All Four Legs
  • Good in Traffic (Bombproof): Lame all Round, Deaf and Blind
  • Loves Children: Kicks and Bites
  • Pony Type: Small and Hairy
  • Arab Type:Looks startled
  • TB Type: Looks Terrified
  • Quarter Horse Type: Chunky
  • Halter Horse Type: Fat
  • Warmblood Type: Big and Hairy
  • Draught Type: Big and Exceedingly Hairy
  • Easy to Catch: Very Old
  • Must Sell: Wife has left home and taking kids
  • All Offers Considered: I am in Traction for 6 months
  • Good Jumper prospect: Looks great jumping over the pasture fence, if you can ever catch'im, you might just have yourself a great jumper!

 
Related Links
· More about Horse Humor
· News by donna


Most read story about Horse Humor:
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